Tonita Sharp (19) first mentored Toni Edwards (17) to help her get through her daunting first meal in their YMCA café.

From that first meeting, they struck up a very supportive friendship that has helped Toni to feel at ease in her imposing new environment: a 1970s, “tall and skinny” YMCA building.

How does your scheme work?

Tonita: The YMCA hostel supports homeless young people aged 16-25 by offering them a place to live for up to two years. For the past three years, anyone who has stayed at the hostel has been offered a peer mentor on arrival. We offer guidance to help young people settle in immediately. The main need for mentoring here grew out of trying to help newcomers to overcome the scary part of going for their first meal in the café, which is really daunting. The first two weeks are the worst. Some people would come here and lock themselves in their rooms and disappear after a few days. Mentoring and providing access to a key worker is helping to solve that problem by putting newcomers more at ease.

How is being mentored helping?

Toni: It was very straightforward from the start because Tonita didn’t talk down to me. She explained how hard it could be going down to your first meal and she showed me around. Tonita lives on my landing too, so if I need anything I can knock on her door anytime.

We’ve had three mentoring sessions so far, including the first one when she was at my first meal. She wasn’t overwhelming and said: “Me and my mates will be in the canteen. If you need some support you’re welcome to come and join us.” Having that support was great. She also went over the paperwork here to make sure I got it into my head. Our relationship is very casual. She’s the same level, so I can say anything.
Why are you living in the YMCA?

Toni: There was too much stress at home. I wasn’t getting on with my mum and it got to the point where I had to move out. We’re more like friends than mother and daughter. We were too close sometimes and this space has been good. It gives me a chance to get along with my mum without her suffocating me. We were arguing too much, taking our problems out on each other. Although it’s only been a short time, there’s already been a dramatic improvement. Now, we value our time together a lot more.

How frequent is the mentoring?

Tonita: Initial contact is for four structured sessions over two weeks.

This can be reduced or increased depending on the need of the individual. We bump into each other on the landing too. Peer mentors are supported by key workers at the hostel and there is an open meeting held fortnightly for us to discuss community issues with staff.

Toni: Our last meeting will confirm that I’ve moved in okay. If I hadn’t we’d go from there. I’ve trusted her advice and it’s been proved right. To be honest, when I was told at my interview that I would have a key worker and a mentor, I thought: “Hang on, I’ve just come from an environment where I was being told what to do...” But it’s not like that at all.

My key worker helps me in more of a professional way by setting targets and helping me to access benefits and meet bank staff, while I can go to Tonita for help with more personal stuff. We make each other laugh, we’ve always got something to talk about and she’s here if I need a friend.

Are you a good mentoring fit?

Tonita: I was trained with around eight other residents in April. So far, I’ve had three mentees, one after the other. My first mentee already knew her way around the building and I’ve had two more including Toni. My key worker here chose me to be Toni’s mentor after taking our personalities into account. After one and a half hours I gradually saw Toni open up.

If a shy person has moved in, it’s not best to give them an in your face mentor. When most people move in, they’re really shy, but we’re both quite outgoing. There’s 95 people staying here, so I’ll always bump into my mentees, but as Toni lives on my landing we see each other more than I see the others. It’s probably easier for Toni because I’m female.

Toni: Having a girl to talk to makes a difference because a lot of my outside friends aren’t too impressed that I’m living in a hostel. Tonita made it a lot easier because we started talking and having a laugh. All my stress has gone. Knowing that she is here to help out takes a bit of that uncertainty away.

How did the training enhance your mentoring abilities?

Tonita: Peer mentors receive two full days’ training, which covers building rapport, active listening, self-disclosure, policies and procedures. I think I’d be able to take on someone else’s problems now, but if it scared me and was about self-harming or child protection issues I would be able to break confidentiality. It’s easier for our mentees to know that we offer them confidentiality.

“She’s outgoing, not too overwhelming and good at letting me speak”

Training also helped us to share views and level out the best way to go about something. For instance, if Toni said she was going to commit suicide, it would be on my back as to what I’d do about it. If I thought she was serious I’d go straight to the mentor co-ordinator.

What special qualities make a good mentor?

Tonita: Confidence, good communication skills and no patronising, which they’ve often experienced elsewhere.
Toni: Outgoing, not too overwhelming or intimidating and good at letting the other person speak.

Why did you become a mentor?

Tonita: I felt like I’d been given a lot and wanted to give something back. I’ve always cared for people such as my dad who was disabled. It’s massive for me. I’m planning to carry on doing it. When I moved in I would love to have had someone to talk to.

It’s daunting to come here because the stereotypical view is that it will be full of druggies and prostitutes. Even though it proved to be untrue, it scared me that those people might have been here. It’s a huge hostel too, a tall, skinny building with seven floors of bedrooms, a gym and a conference room upstairs where I had my training.

How has being a mentor helped?

Tonita: It’s good for us mentors as we’ve been in the same boat and we’ve lived what they’re living. I think we’ve all got similar reasons about why were here and it’s often about lost love.

I lived in Kent and moved up to Stoke to be with my mum. But I didn’t get on with her boyfriend and got kicked out last Christmas. I slept rough for a short while and wanted to get my own place, but the housing association referred me to the YMCA. I had an interview and moved in three days later in January. It’s like mentoring is healing me and it’s healing her too. We often ask each other how the other is feeling.

What does the future hold for you and your friendship?

Toni: It’s great that we get along and live on the same landing because if I ever need to speak to someone I can knock on her or her boyfriend’s door. I’ve made the effort with Tonita because I’ve realised who my friends are now I’m in this situation.

I’m getting help to sort my benefits out and rebuild my relationship with my mum. After that I won’t need much support because I’ve got a good relationship with my boyfriend. He’s talking about moving in together. But there’s no pressure here. Two years is a long time and motivates you to get things sorted properly, rather than quickly.

Tonita: I’ve only known Toni for two weeks. I’ll always be here if she wants to talk to me and she’s more than welcome to knock on my door and be my friend. Being here has changed me a lot. I wanted to be famous before, now I’d like to work in the YMCA. Seriously! I do other volunteering here including two days a week on reception. I was sitting in the key worker’s chair the other day and thought I could definitely see myself doing this job. Mentoring looks like it could be the pathway to my future.